The Pandemic Forced Me To Face My Innermost Feelings

It has made me self-reflect, confront my inner self, and prioritize what matters to me.

The pandemic has completely transformed the world we live in today. We’ve been forced to change our lifestyle and behaviour, and have been introduced to new ways of how to live our lives — the new normal. We are living in uncertain times where nothing is the same, and it has made everyone anxious and nervous. The kind of nervousness you feel when you’re homesick, away from the warmth and familiarity of the place and people.

Managing house chores with the husband attending his zoom meetings and the kids with their online lessons has been impracticable and ludicrous. Everyone’s using headphones and signal me to keep my voice down. When I speak in hushed tones, they tell me to talk loudly, and I’m always asking them if the webcam is off.

I was exasperated and tired and felt I was living a futile life — until recently, when I decided it was time I did something about it as I could see my mental state was affecting my life and relations. It got me thinking about why I felt this way — that I had no purpose in life. I blamed the pandemic and all for everything, but it occurred to me that some of the issues were old. They were only magnified by the prevailing circumstances which acted as a mirror and forced me to face my innermost feelings.

I left my job nine years ago so that I could give time to my children and focus on their upbringing. Since then, I’ve been a mother and a housewife; that has been my identity. Now that my children are thirteen and nine, I felt I could finally do something for myself.

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